i finished mountains beyond mountains last night. it's one of those books that i'm sorry to see end. it's also one of those books that i want others to read immediately because i think it is great and i think others would benefit from reading it, but the real reason i want others to read it is so i can talk with someone about it. it's the kind of book i want to read again right now because even though i got a ton from it on the first read, i know there are more layers to it that i want to dig in to. so if you are reading (which would be amazing given i haven't blogged in a while), this is a not so subltle, selfish plea for you to help me and read the book!

one thing i did get on the first read was a phrase that farmer uses a lot. he calls it h of g or hermeneutic of grace. the basic idea of h of g is that when someone farmer knows and whose heart he knows says something that could be taken negatively or positively, he gives them the benefit of the doubt and interprets what they are saying in the positive light. i think that is beautiful and it is on my list of things i want to cultivate in my heart and mind. i wonder how much conflict and drama could be avoided by the existence of an h of g in relationships...

right now i'm in a coffee shop and i'm supposed to be studying for my nutrition telecourse class. i thought if i left my apartment i wouldn't be distracted, yet here i am blogging. i haven't blogged consistently in months. it's amazing what i'll do to keep myself from studying. this is my second semester back in school and i still haven't quite adjusted to the reality that i have homework and tests. some part of my brain is still in denial. the other problem is there is a huge window by the table i chose. there is something about a window in a coffee shop that immediately puts me in a reflective kind of mood. i know that is so pathetically cliche, but it's true. if only it put me in a reflective mood about vitamins, proteins, and the food guide pyramid... but i'm glad i'm blogging. it's good to get my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen.

i'm in the middle of reading mountains beyond mountains which is a book about paul farmer. he's a doctor who has spent his life focusing on global health problems and how to solve. he has an amazing story and i highly recommend the book. kidder, the author, recounts a converstaion he and farmer have when flying from cuba to miami. farmer notices a sign at the airport that reads, "the only real nation is humanity." farmer comments that he thinks that is lovely and kidder responds that he isn't so sure and thinks it's just a slogan. his response kind of deflates farmer's mood. kidder goes on to comment, "among a coward's weapons, cynicism is the nastiest of all."

that quote has been stuck in my head ever since i read it. i had never considered cynicism in that way. i had just attached it with pessimism and sometimes with being practical or realistic. i've never thought of it as being rooted in fear. then again, so much of the way i respond to things comes out of fear. perhaps i fear looking foolish, naive, and/or idealistic. maybe i fear being let down or disappointed. or maybe it is just that i fear having to act or get involved. i'm still thinking this one through, but i think the next time i catch myself being cynical i'll ask myself what i'm afraid of.

if you haven't checked out invisible children yet, take few minutes and go to the website.